Chinese Wedding Custom 4 - Using the Chinese Calendar to Select Auspicious Dates

By Jina Boo

Such a dilemma!

You don't want to consult the temple medium or fortune teller for an auspicious wedding date. But you need to select one quickly to please your parents.

Perhaps you think it is too superstitious to believe a date will have any effect on your wedded bliss.

But your parents are not. They think it is most important that they select an auspicious date to ensure a successful marriage for you. They feel you are ungracious for objecting to their kind intentions.

How about using the chinese calendar to select an auspicious wedding date.

As a compromise, you can use the chinese calendar to select the auspicious dates.

Usually, the chinese calendar contains:
- top, showing the Gregorian month,
- body, showing the Gregorian date,
- middle, showing the chinese date and the day of the week, and
- bottom, showing the fengshui/chinese astrology information.

Basic terminology for chinese wedding events

(Note: To read the chinese characters below properly, make sure your browser's character encoding is set to auto detect for chinese/simplified chinese/traditional chinese characters.)

These are the terminology you need to know for finding the respective auspicious dates,
嫁娶 - for wedding day
结婚纳彩/采 - for the betrothal
安床 - for installing the bridal bed

Auspicious rating:
宜(yi) - good for
忌(Ji) - bad for / to avoid
吉(Ji) - auspicious timing
中(zhong)- neutral timing
凶(xiong)- fierce/ bad timing

Choosing the auspicious date

2 ways to go about it:
a) choose the Gregorian date, then check if it is auspicious, or
b) find all the auspicious chinese dates, then decide on the Gregorian dates within these.

To determine if the date is auspicious, read the sub-sections, titled 宜(yi) which list the favorable activities for the day, and 忌(Ji), activities to be avoided.

Locate the corresponding term for wedding event Wedding day 嫁娶, Betrothal 结婚纳彩/采 or install bridal bed 安床 under 宜 or 忌. If found under 宜, it's a good date for that event, if 忌, don't select that date. The date is neutral for that event if nothing is mentioned.

Important note:
Certain days are not favorable for all joyous events and are listed as "不宜诸吉事" under the 宜 section. For such an unfavorable day, the 忌 section will also list 吉事 meaning to avoid any joyous events.

Check the auspicious timing

Some people also want an auspicious timing for events such as fetching the bride and entering the groom's home. Check the auspicious rating under "今天时辰吉凶". The timings are listed as 吉 auspicious timing, 中 neutral timing and 凶fierce/ bad timing. Choose those that are 吉 or 中 and avoid timing listed as 凶.

The chinese timing are divided into 12 period, each 2 hours long. The chinese day commence at 11 pm the night before. These are the corresponding time:

子(zi) 11pm to 1 am
丑(chou) 1am to 3 am
寅(yin) 3am to 5 am
卯(mao) 5am to 7am
辰(chen) 7am to 9am
巳(si) 9am to 11am
午(wu) 11am to 1pm
未(wei) 1pm to 3pm
申(shen) 3pm to 5pm
酉(you) 5pm to 7pm
戌(xu) 7pm to 9pm
亥(hai) 9pm to 11pm

What about chinese horoscope?

The chinese horoscope that "clashes" on that date is listed with the age under a section titled 每日相煞. Under 生年相冲 the other years of the same horoscope that also "clashes" is listed.

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Jina Boo is the editor of http://www.chinese-wedding-guide.com , a website dedicated to preserving chinese wedding customs and culture. The website features:
- significance of chinese wedding customs and traditions,
- the items and persons needed to perform them, and
- suggested timeframe for preparation of chinese wedding.

A guide for drafting your own chinese wedding invitation and addressing the envelopes is also included.

Click here to learn more about selecting an auspicious date with a chinese calendar.

Chinese Wedding Custom 3- Wedding Tea Ceremony

Wedding Tea Ceremony 敬茶

The tea ceremony is one of the most significant event in the modern chinese wedding ceremony, second only to fetching the bride. The bride and groom are formally introduced to each other's family through this ceremony.

Order of service
It will usually take place on the wedding day when most of the family members are present. If some members are not available, supplementary sessions can be conducted at the wedding dinner or at other convenient times and locations.

The order of service is usually

- parents,
- grandparents,
- grand-uncles and grand-aunties,
- uncles and aunties,
- elder brothers and sisters,
- elder cousins.

For some family, grandparents are served before parents. Within each generation, dad's relatives are served before mum's relatives.

To kneel or not to kneel
In very traditional family, the young couple is required to serve tea whilst kneeling down. Most modern family only requires them to bow while serving tea.

Do you use a special tea set?
A new tea set is included in the bride's dowry. It usually comprises of four tea cups and a tea pot without any milk jar and sugar pot. Popular designs include those with double joy, dragon and phoenix, or poeny flowers and gold trimmings.

This new tea set will be used for the groom's side tea ceremony. On the bride's side, the parent's tea set from their own wedding will be used if it is still available. Otherwise, a new tea set can be used.

What's in the tea?
Sweet tea boiled with dried longan, lotus seeds and red dates are used for the Tea ceremony. Red dates 红枣 (hongzao), longan 龙眼 (longyan), and lotus seeds 莲子 (lianzi), represents the family's wish for the couple to have sons soon after the wedding 早生贵子(zaoshengguizi). The sweetness symbolises harmony and sweetness in the couple's union.

Red packets money gifts or jewellery?
The tea ceremony gifts such as red packets or jewellery are presented on the serving plate after drinking the tea. Usually the relatives of the bride will present her with jewellery rather than red packets. This is referred to as “adding to her dowry” 添嫁妆.

When will you have the tea ceremony for the bride's side?
The tea ceremony for the bride’s side is usually carried out during the bride’s home visit. Sometimes the distance between the bride and groom’s home is too far apart for the bride’s home visit to be on the same day as the wedding day. In this case, the bride’s side tea ceremony may be conducted when the groom arrives to fetch the bride.

Jina Boo is the editor of http://www.chinese-wedding-guide.com, a website dedicated to preserving chinese wedding customs and culture. The website features:

- significance of chinese wedding custom and traditions,
- the items and persons needed to perform them, and
- suggested timeframe for preparation of chinese wedding.

A guide for drafting your own chinese wedding invitation is also included.

Click on http://www.chinese-wedding-guide.com/ezinearticles to visit the site to learn more about chinese weddings.

By Jina Boo

Chinese Wedding Custom 2 - Wedding Day

The Wedding Day! 大喜日

Fetching the bride 迎亲
If the bride's family required a matchmaker 媒婆for the chinese wedding, she will accompany the groom to fetch the bride. The matchmaker, or Best man if there is no matchmaker, will carry a red tray containing a red packet with the bride’s price, a piece of raw pork front leg which is the mother's reward for bringing up the bride, even number of oranges, dried persimmons, longan, lotus seeds, and magnolia petals (pak hup).

The red tray will be returned with the oranges replaced in even numbers to signify that the newly joined families will share their good fortune. An even numbered portion of the bride’s price will be returned in the red packet. Even numbered cans of pork trotters or a red packet may be used instead of the raw pork leg.

Bride's younger brother to open the bridal car door 小舅开车门
The groom must not open the car door when he arrives to fetch his bride. The bride’s younger brother will pass him two oranges before opening the door. The two oranges will be left in the bridal car for good fortune. The groom will give this younger brother a red packet after he opens the car door. If the bride has no younger brother, a younger male relative or a younger male friend can play the role.

Kiss the bride! 亲亲新娘
The groom and the brothers’ troop will be served sweet desserts with pink rice ball and snacks at the bride’s home. The groom will enter the bride's room and lift her veil to kiss her. Taoist couple will pray to the bride's ancestors and family gods before leaving the bride's home.

Chinese Wedding Ceremony 过门/拜堂成亲
The chinese were mainly Taoists or ancestor worshipers before foreign religions such as Christianity, Muslim or Buddhism enter China. Taoists believed in the power of heaven and earth to witness important events on earth. It was also believed that a parent or family elder must acknowledge a union for it to be official.

In traditional chinese wedding ceremony the bride and groom will first pray to heaven and earth, then to the groom parents or family elders and lastly bow to each other 一拜天地，二拜高堂，夫妻交拜. The three prayers sealed the marriage. The couple was escorted into the bridal chamber, the equivalent of the bridal room, to consummate their marriage.

Modern chinese wedding skip the ritual of the three prayers. The bride and groom will enter the bridal room directly after entering the groom's home. Groom’s family members will hide in the house to avoid clashing of fortune with the new couple. After the family members have returned to the family hall, the couple will join them. The Taoist bride and groom will pray to the groom's ancestors and family gods at this time.

Wedding Tea Ceremony 敬茶
Without the traditional three prayers, the tea ceremony becomes the most significant event in the modern chinese wedding ceremony. The bride and groom are formally introduced to each other's family through this ceremony.

It will usually take place on the wedding day when most of the family members are present. If some members are not available, supplementary sessions can be conducted at the wedding dinner or at other convenient times and locations.

Sweet tea boiled with dried longan, lotus seeds and red dates are used for the Tea ceremony. The tea ceremony gifts such as red packets or jewellery are presented on the serving plate after drinking the tea.

Bride's home visit 三朝回门
Traditionally the bride’s home visit is three days after the chinese wedding ceremony. For efficiency, modern chinese wedding usually compressed all the necessary events into a single day.

After the tea ceremony at the groom's family home, the bride will change out of her western style wedding gown to symbolise passing of three days!

Bride's younger brother to escort the bride home 小舅伴新娘回门
The bride's younger brother will arrive at the groom's home with a wedding basket 油篮 filled with toiletries, perfumed oils and make-up for his sister. The bridal car will fetch the bride's younger brother to the groom's home. The groom will welcome the younger brother by opening the car door for him.

Gifts for the bride's home visit 回门礼
The bride’s home visit is the couple’s first visit to her parent’s home as a married couple. Other than the gifts for her parents, the couple gives red packets to all the elder members and children in the family.

In the past, many dialect groups required gifts of a pair of sugar cane, at least a pair of live rooster and hen. These带路鸡 “dai lu ji” were supposed to lead the way. The return gift of a rooster and hen will be put under the bridal bed back at the groom’s home. It was believed that the firstborn will be male if the rooster came out first.

To simplify matters most of these gifts are no longer required or are replaced by red packets for modern chinese weddings. Nowadays, only symbolic items are required. Tangerines or mandarin oranges 橘子”Juzi” sounds like good fortune 吉 “Ji” in chinese and must be included as part of the gifts. If tangerines are out of season, oranges can be used instead.

If one of the bride's parents is cantonese, the roast pig 烧猪is definitely required as part of the gifts for the bride’s home visit. For non-cantonese, sometimes roast pork 烧肉 instead of a whole roast pig is requested.

For teochew, two big red packets of their favorite traditional peanut and sesame candies豆条芝麻条 are usually requested. For hokkiens, combinations of popped rice blocks, or popped rice and sesame rolls, peanut chewy candies, bean paste cookies米方麻佬贡糖豆沙饼 are usually requested.

A portion of all gifts are returned to signify sharing of fortune between the two families.

During the bride's home visit, a sweet soup with lotus seeds, dried longan, dates and pink rice balls will be served to wish the couple a sweet harmonious marriage.

The modern chinese wedding ceremony is completed after the bride’s home visit. The wedding banquet may be on the same day or another day as it is just an announcement and celebration of the marriage.

The couple and the parents will give red packets to all the helpers at the wedding including beauticians, drivers, bestmen and bridesmaids, matchmaker, photographers, videographers, receptionists and ushers, etc.

Jina Boo is the editor of http://www.chinese-wedding-guide.com, a website dedicated to preserving chinese wedding customs and culture. The website features:
- significance of chinese wedding customs and traditions,
- the items and persons needed to perform them, and
- suggested timeframe for preparation of chinese wedding.

A guide for drafting your own chinese wedding invitation is also included.

Click on http://www.chinese-wedding-guide.com/ezinearticles to visit the site to learn more about chinese weddings.

By Jina Boo